Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Trump: The Leader The Free World Needs (Satire)

It's tempting to think did Bernie Sanders would be the best candidate for the presidency. He seems so caring, so decent. No doubt he has sincere good intentions. But you know what they say about good intentions! Sanders wants to be a father to the nation, caring for all of its citizens like children. Yet children are not what make a strong democracy or a functional society: responsible adults do that. What does America need? A parent? Is the greatest nation on earth a giant nursery? Or does America need a leader?

The hard fact is that in today’s world the US will benefit no one by becoming a giant hospital ward. What the US needs is not to function like a permissive family, but to function like a business. America needs to be strong, efficient, creative, and competitive. America needs a leader who can and will fight to make her great again. America needs Donald Trump. In Trump’s own words, unvarnished sure, but straight from the hip and right to the target: “Look, we will bring the American dream back. That I will tell you. We're bringing it back, Okay? And I understand what you're saying. And I get that from so many people. 'Is the American dream dead?' They are asking me the question. 'Is the American dream dead?' And the American dream is in trouble. But we're going to get it back and do some real jobs.... How about the man with that beautiful red hat? Stand up! Stand up! What a hat!" (Town Hall, Rochester, NY, 9-7-15)

Sanders is an uninspiring mix of petty bureaucrat and ranting socialist, kind of a mix of Adolf Eichmann and Josef Stalin. Would you want a Nazi communist running the U.S of A.? I wouldn’t. Trump, by comparison, is a champion of individual rights and personal freedoms. When he was not fulfilled in his two previous marriages he divorced and moved on. He wasn’t a slave to the legalistic social norms and moral straightjackets which domineering busybodies are so quick to fit on other people. When he realized business ventures were failing- according to to CNN Money, “no major US company has filed for Chapter 11 more than Trump’s casino empire in the last 30 years”- he was not bullheaded or chained to the past. He was humble enough to declare bankruptcy and liquidate shareholdings, yachts and even airlines in order to be true to those who has helped him and pay them back in the American way. Sanders wouldn’t even have the balls to try to start a Casino in the first place.

The Christian Angle

Christendom is under attack. What is left of Judeo-Christian morality in America is disappearing, and the barbarians are at the gate. We need a leader who will defend our country- not with the platitudes about loving strangers and talking to your enemies Sanders is so fond of! No, with force and cunning. What will happen to a country that reaches out it’s hands to the criminals of every nation and meets enemies with “good vibes” and nice words? It will be decimated, that’s what. What good is a Saviour who lets himself be shamed and beaten down by any Tom, Dick or Harry? As Trump said after he was attacked by the Pope (who Luther called the Whore of Babylon with good reason, everyone knows he’s in the pocket of the Mexican government): “if and when ISIS attacks the Vatican the Pope will wish I had been president”.

Some argue that Trump’s political positions don’t echo those of Jesus, and therefore Christians should not vote for him. Jesus, after all, did urge his followers to “love your enemies (Matthew 5:44)” and not to love money (Matthew 6:24, Matthew 6:19), two principles no one could accuse Trump of embodying. Jesus also said that his followers would be judged not by whether they called him Lord but whether they fed and clothed the poor and cared for the sick (Matthew 7:21). Jesus also said that the blessed “thirst for righteousness” “make peace” and inherit the earth through “meekness” (Matthew 5). Everyone knows, however, that Jesus did not say these things because he wanted people to do them but rather to show how impossible it is to do what’s really right! The true Christian does not suicidally try to love enemies, cultivate false humility, and treat the vulnerable like babies in need of coddling, but rather does what they have to do and trusts in Christ’s redeeming righteousness alone to save them.

The fact that even Paul, who explained redemption through faith, advises his followers to be loving, humble, nonviolent, and holy in their personal conduct does not prove anything either. Those verses can be twisted to mean whatever you want! The same Paul says, in words which cannot be misunderstood (Romans 13): the authority does not bear the sword in vain! It is the servant of God to execute wrath on the wrongdoer.” True Paul was talking here about the sinful Roman government, and other pagan governments who are tools of God’s wrath in the Bible are then judged and condemned by God’s wrath themselves. Folks, we are not talking here about pagan government, but Christian government! When Christians wield the sword it is to make peace throughout the world, not like Rome. It’s unfortunate that Paul goes on to tell people to submissively pay their taxes (Romans 13:6-7). If only Trump had been an apostle! Then he’d have been in the greatest book of all time, not just the second greatest (The Art of The Deal)! And he’d have set Paul straight on a few things, I mean “done a few real jobs!”

Some have doubted Trump’s Christianity on the basis of his lack of involvement with his own Church, his two divorces, his involvement in the gambling industry, and petty faux-pas like dropping money in a communion plate or saying “two Corinthians”. These people’s legalism and focus on externals just shows them to be the whitewashed tombs they are (Matthew 23:27). Sanders, of course, is not only not a Christian but not even a real Jew! Let’s talk turkey folks: Sanders is a socialist, and socialism doesn’t work. The combination of deregulated Capitalism and militaristic foreign policy has brought peace and freedom to billions. That is what made America great, and will make it great again! We need a dragon from the dragon’s den (Revelations 12) to knock the stars from the sky and put an American flag there where it should be.  

The Final Solution

In the end this is what it comes down to: do we want to look back to the failed values of an earlier America or do we want to look forward to restoring America’s greatness? Sanders has only one constituency: hippies and disenfranchised millennials playing the politics of envy. Trump inspires everyone- heck, even the Klu Klux Klan endorses him! Before politics made her two-faced Clinton even went to his wedding! The man’s charm is unstoppable. It’s time to pull America out of the pit that Obama dug (thank God the Republicans didn’t let him do anything!) and restore the dignity of the presidential office. Vote Trump.

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